"Go on, have a laugh: go on, go on, go on --
Oh, Go Ooonn!"

Welcome to fun page 2, where you can have a laugh, let your hair down, have a bit of a giggle... its up to you. Why not send us your best jokes (or worst) for posting on this page. We look forward to your visits and hearing from you.

Jokes Galore!!!

  Who Needs A Computer Doctor?

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts,
I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the
drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper
than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you
can do about it. It costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer,
he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer
started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which
was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it would change medical science
forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his
dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturb^ted into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the
usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has
worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin
girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop
jerk~ing off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

  It's A Fowl Thing To Do.

  New Improved Law mowers

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a
guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and
asked him, "Why are you eating grass". The man replied, "I'm
so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat."

So the lawyer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guy then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The
lawyer told him to bring them along, too.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks
for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The lawyer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass
is a foot tall."

  The Enoch's at Vermont

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is
finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once
a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months
or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when
someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big,
bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...
Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."

As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna
be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I
can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fightin' too."

"Damn", Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with
people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild
sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been
alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way,
what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want,
just gonna be the two of us."

  Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer
technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates,
"you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it
would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.
Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds
and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case,
the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50".

"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to
drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

  You can do nothing on your perch all day and still be the boss!  

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner
points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says,
"the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.The shop
owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this
one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the
other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX
operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third
parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say
this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have
never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

  Is this the perfect cure for an over worked elbow? 

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts,
I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the
drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper
than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you
can do about it. It costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer,
he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer
started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which
was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was and how it would change medical science
forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his
dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it
off, he masturb^ted into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the
usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has
worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin
girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop
jerk~ing off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

  Is this the perfect cure for a wet Camel?

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke,
when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom,
cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

What's that? Asked one of the old ladies.
It's a condom, was the reply. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Where did you get it? Asked the old lady, again.
You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, the inquisitive old lady, hobbles herself over to the local drugstore and announces to the assistant that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely, she is after all, over 80 years of age. He very delicately asks what brand she prefers?

The old lady replied: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted.

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